Wednesday, May 19, 2010

My 6 Cents

A Blog was posted over on The Disney Driven Life that has struck a chord with me and instead of filling up their blog with my response I decided to come to my own blog and respond.

I was given permission to link this blog by the blog owner JL.
This is the post that was posted.

Dear JL,

Hey there! I just thought I’d write to you because you might understand my frame of mind right now. Do you ever just want to give up completely on the Disney community thing? I’ve tried to jump in at different forums and on twitter. It is just so frustrating. Then I see all the goings-on among people that have known each other forever on the Disney boards and twitter, and I think, “Why bother? I’m never going to fit in there. They only RT things from friends or respond enthusiastically to the known people. I’m never going to be able to compete with what’s already out there.” I just want to give up.

I needed to vent a little I guess. Thanks for reading this.

Signed, Discouraged

Dear Discouraged,

Yes, I have those days ALL THE TIME! I’m not kidding either. It is very frequent that I want to throw in the towel because I feel like I am not interacting enough or I am not “in.” I see inside jokes being thrown between cliques on twitter and in the forums, and I feel like an outsider. I see people making plans with one another to which I’m not invited and feel unwanted. I will have a blog post go up sometimes and only a couple (if any) people will actually leave a comment, and I feel like I have failed at connecting. But in all honesty, I think a lot of the isolated feelings stem from the disjointed form of communication we are tryng to use. It’s hard to know if people don’t respond to tweets and posts because they don’t like you, or if it’s because they just didn’t see them.

In my minimal experience online, I’ve come to realize that what often feels like “not fitting in” is just due to trying to participate in an imperfect form of communication.

There are times when feeling “left out” is an accurate perception. I have dealt with many clique-type attitudes in more than one Disney forum. I have even been undeniably snubbed on twitter and in chat rooms. It is ugly. It is mean. It is wrong.

In some cases, I have decided that I don’t want to participate in the group. In other cases, the media platform has been big enough where I could find other areas on it to socialize.

But regardless of what is decided, in order to find a place in the Disney community one must show persistance. Keep tweeting, following, posting, offering help, etc. You’ll find that it will come.

My main point is that there is no need for insecurity. Just be yourself. That is the best way to draw people. If you try to be someone you’re not just for the sake of fitting in, people will see through you and be turned off by it.

Chin up! I’ve had my days where the purpose of my activity got lost. On those days I’ve had to step back and take a breather. But I’ve always returned and put my Mickey ears back on. I hope you decide to do the same.

Neurotically yours,

JL (NDM#1)

Hmmm... Ok I get it. It SUCKS when you feel left out of events going on. I stopped visiting the DIS boards because I didn't think i gelled at ALL over there! Those people were kinda mean since I wasn't a Mom or a Dad so I just said BUH BYE!!!! Not worth my time! Jealousy that people get to do cool things that you wish you could and go places you want to go. Hell, I get that on a daily basis. But what I have issue with is the not including thing. I am lucky enough to be a local and be at the parks on a weekly basis if I can. ANY time I have been out there and an out of towner has been in town if I can then I make the time to go and meet them! Even if it is for a 5 minute hi bye type thing. And I have never seen one of the people on my list turn someone down. I have not been able to meet everyone ( I am SO SORRY Seth and Kayla) because I have had other things going on or it has been fees-able ( i don't drive and rely on public transportation most of the time). It isn't about not making people feel like part of the group or included. Sometimes you just cant meet or hang with everyone.

There are a group of people on Twitter that are participating in the Food and Wine 5K in October and we have given out teams a name! The Men are #MoronsUnite and the Ladies are #SnarkyTiaraQueens. We also have a Group name of #LushCrew . People have asked about the groups and we have said that they are team names for the 5K and if you are participating in the race then you are MORE then welcome to join our little group! People have gotten mad at one or more of us for not including everyone. Well, pardon me but what is the point of having a team name if we just call everyone that name? We are planning specific events and shirts and celebrations having to do with the team so I think it is our right to have our own name. I'm sorry that not everyone feels included but if a group of people are planning something and you cant come to that event you cant be mad at us for continuing to plan said event! We aren't the only ones that are a specific group either. There are others. Perhaps if people did some digging and found out the reason behind the group and the event they wouldn't have that "left out" feeling.

I follow about 300ish Disney people out of the 600 someodd people I follow and I have been lucky to meet a few off that list! I have made some life long friends thanks to twitter! People that I love to spend time with and people who I can call when I have had a bad day. I am not blind to the Clique-ness of twitter but lets be honest. Weather you are in school, work, a knitting group, a book club or ice skating there will ALWAYS be Cliques. There will always be the "cool group" that you wish you were part of. But as adults we know that the entire concept of "cool group" is just plain ridiculous. You make your group of who you want and you do the things you want to do! If you want to be included then ASK.... then SPEAK UP. If you hide behind a screen name or a knitting bag or your desk then you have NOBODY to blame but yourself! if you want to have fun then get out there and introduce yourself and meet people! Thats how I did it! I went and Met Amanda Tinney at the parks one day and we hit it off and she brought me to the Social Media Moms Conference and I got to meet all my other amazing Mommies and that lead me to meet other people and so on and so on! You have to put yourself out there sometimes. And I don't always click with everyone. I am loud and mouthy and I have opinions I have NO problem stating but I am VERY happy to report that I have clicked with just about everyone I have met in the most amazing way! And there are people that I have connected with that I haven't met in person yet but as the weeks go on I am so excited to do so!

Let me get my point out. This is the INTERNET.... honestly, it is hard to catch everything everyone says. Tones and Sarcasm don't always come across the best on line. Its hard to judge someones mood unless they state their specific mood. I do my BEST to reply to everyone that talks directly to me. I even talk to people who aren't directing a question to me and sometimes they don't answer me but I don't get bent out of shape (well sometimes I do but we all have emotional days). I follow 600 some odd people... it isn't always easy to catch up with my tweet stream and there are people who follow a WHOLE lot more AND a whole lot less then I do and cant always keep up. There also isn't a Twitter etiquette police. Not everyone is going to like everyone else! It is JUST like real life! Not everyone gets along with everyone else. People will fight, people will make out, people will get angry, people will celebrate. DO YOUR OWN THING! Don't be a sheep all the time :) sometimes it is OK to be a Llama and make your own amazing event that people will be jealous they can't go to! And that is OK!!!!!One day everyone will meet everyone else and not everyone will get along and some people will and others will make out and dance and it will be great......Plain and Simple! Do what you can and Envy what you cant but turn that envy into do someday!


  1. Love it- and a loud and proud member of both #lushcrew and #snarkytiaraqueens (and yes, I am married to a #moron)

  2. Thats right! So does that make me a Llama?

  3. I am testament to this. I was a bit skeptical of Twitter. I have met some great people. It is very hard to find people who love Disney as much as I do where I live. Twitter has given me that. When I have a bad day, they call or text or tweet me to check up on me. I met some people a couple weeks ago at the park and look forward to meeting more in the future. Twitter and all social networds are the same as most things in life.... You get out of it what you put in. Take a leap and get to know people and don't think the world is out to get you because you never know where you will find a great friend! I love my ladies and bros!

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  5. I think as far as Twitter goes, yes there are people who have been on there longer, and have friends they chat to, but unless you put yourself out there and keep joining in then you wont be part of it! Its no use watching conversations, join in! Add your opinion,offer advice, or even just smile :~) If you keep going then you will fit in somewhere!! But please - if someone follows you (and they arent a spambot/weirdo or someone doing random follows) follow back!! I dont like seeing those people who think they are too special to follow back. What are you afraid of? That someone might send you a DM? (sorry, its my pet hate lol)

  6. Personally, I am not on twitter as much as I once was. I can't jump in to the conversations I used to and as a result I have missed out on a lot of fun. However, one thing the Disney twitter community has *always* done for me is accept me back with open arms. I TRY to make it a point to reply to everyone that replies to me, and I know most others do too. It's hard to keep track when your follower count gets up there, but I am always willing to take a moment and reply to someone (unless it's super late at night and I forget the next day-I am old with a baby ya know) ;)

    That said, it does make me sad if people are truly feeling 'left out' of the Disney twitter community (which it seems like the original post was speaking of?) I have just *never* seen that. I know I've jumped into random conversations, and I've met new people by them jumping in too.

    One thing I learned when I first joined twitter and first started blogging was that PATIENCE is the ultimate virtue online. I would post a new blog entry and think "why is no one commenting? why isn't anyone RTing?!" well the simple answer is, not everyone can RT everything. If you are just starting out, you have to invest the time and persistence necessary to get noticed. Someone might not have been online at 9am when you tweeted a link, but they may be home at 9pm when you link it again.

    And while I may not ever get to be a #snarkytiaraqueen, there's nothing stopping me from hanging out with them! :) I will agree that you should never try to be someone you are not, just to fit in - people WILL see through that. You really have to ask yourself, "is this someone I *want* to be friends with?" sometimes, even if it's not the most popular choice, the answer may be no. Recognize that and focus your efforts on people you do want to associate with.

    As for forums, I sadly just don't have the time to participate in a slightly-slower-moving site like that. On twitter, you tweet, and get instant interaction for the most part. Sometimes I tweet things and no one replies at all. And that's okay too. It's just the ebb and flow of any type of interaction.

    At least that's how I view it. :)

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  8. You nailed it, Rora! And yes, I, too am an active member of the #snarkytiaraqueens and the #lushcrew. I have made so many wonderful friends on Twitter (some I've met (like you) and some I haven't). I didn't make those friends by hanging back and waiting for others to come to me. I did it by "eavesreading" and jumping in on conversations and reaching out to people on my own. You can't sit back on Twitter and wait for people. You need to take initiative and jump in! I would never trade the friends I have made on Twitter by doing this.

  9. I read this post on DDL this morning and was also a little irked by it. Twitter is a funny thing. One moment you can post something that 15 people respond to, then no one responds to your next post. You can't take that personally. I also follow 600+ people and know that I'm constantly missing things. I wish I could be online more because there are many fun conversations I miss out on, but sadly life gets in the way.

    I am also a proud member of the #snarkytiaraqueens and the #lushcrew and married to a #moron, and I don't feel that at any time we have left people out of our "groups." The more the merrier I say! I feel very fortunate to have met so many amazing people in the Disney community on Twitter and I can't believe how welcoming everyone has been! I haven't met anyone from these groups, but I feel like I've known them for years. But it was up to me to start these friendships. I had to put myself out there.

    Great post lady...I <3 you :)

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  12. You don't get put in the gane by sitting on the bench away from the coach and I will say this I have been accepted by the community even though I like disney because its when I can hang out with my wife

  13. I agree with what's been said above and may I add...WHY is "I feel left out" claimed by an adult, momentous enough to write an entire blog about?? This isn't Middle School...this is life. None of us are included in everything and all of us feel left out of something now and then but to whine about it and then write a blog about it...? Really? Grow up and get over yourself. For crying out loud...some people's kids..............


  14. Great post! The truth is exactly what you said.
    Be yourself. I didn't have Twitter a few months ago but made it my business to meet and get to know people. So glad I met you. @DisneyWorlds

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  17. I think a lot of what was written is extremely true...original post, Rora's post & all of your comments. I remember first starting out...even tho I am as old as I am(which we need not discuss here) everyone at some point has a bit of insecurity when jumping into something new. The GOOD thing with the Disney Community, whether it is Twitter or something else(there are so many), is that we'll talk to anyone regarding Disney!! Rora & JL make excellent points..JUMP IN!! You can't EVER be a part of something you do NOT ever try. Rora, I <3, love *LOVE* your last line :
    Do what you can and Envy what you cant but turn that envy into do someday!

  18. ...if anyone can attest to "jumping in", it is me!!! The Disney Community, on both Twitter and Facebook have always welcomed me with open arms...even on my most "Eeyore-like" days, which is more often than not!!! I never, EVER feel left out...I feel like I am hanging out with old friends. I hope to meet everyone someday, but know that is near impossible. I can't make the Food & Wine 5K, but will be cheering everyone on from the sidelines. I feel an enormous amount of support from everyone, especially you Miss Rora!!! :)

  19. I love all the people I follow. And I DO JUMP in when I can my frustration is because I work more than 40 hours and can't get into the fun as much. I am not jealous in a bad way. I just wish my life would let me join in more. I love all the updates I get when people are in the parks, I am always learning something new and it helps with my fix in between my trips. Let's all just play nice in the Disney Twitter Sandbox. I agree with Zanna when I do get to jump in everyone is very nice. I am I looking forward to meeting whoever I can when I go in October. I am on the cruise for the 5k and get there right after. I am a little bummed most of you will be gone. :-( I will continue to jump in and will be back for #confessfriday. The highlight of my Friday. Yeah I lead a boring life for that to be my highlight ;-). The boards are a lot harder to jump in and out of so I tend to stalk them and stick with twitter.


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